Through a (stout) glass, darkly.

By jenny

Jenny again I’m afraid.

Perhaps the only benefit, ceruminiferous and arachibutyrophobic reader, of holding the keys to Olly’s blog is that one can bag him out in public to the few sad souls who might consider themselves his friends.

Not that there is anything particularly satisfying about bagging him – finding fault with Olly is just about as challenging as the point blank harpooning of a beached whale. And a fair bit has been done already by the readerdinghy (Ah– do you remember when dear Olly started that one going?). Yes, much has been proposed by the reader Poohstick (Oh, it still makes me laugh): Some say that Olly has deserted us to wander the streets of Stirling looking in craft shops, that Olly is making warm soup and sitting by the fire holding hands with his lady friend, that Olly is planting beans against the coming season and weaving dream catchers to hang in the window of his love nest, or even that Olly has been busy removing the nutrients from the lunches of his friends. All of these are true, and sadly these activities leave Olly no time to post.

But what are we to do? Olly will not declare himself dead. From time to time his ghostly presence is felt in the form of a comment by Bobby H, or Olly will take an occasional break from his thriving legal practice to put about rumours that he is working on another post; a post mind, that he has been shaping lovingly for seven months – SEVEN MONTHS.

And so we go on; returning to the blog as to an old vice, greedy for any fleeting pleasure we might find there, but too aware that we will leave soon enough, disappointed again that we have not seen the hand of Olly.

Well, the violinists played on as the bogey sank:

Q: After “My Mother the Car” which are the next best TV theme song lyrics?

55 Responses to “Through a (stout) glass, darkly.”

  1. Rowan Williams Says:

    A horse is a horse
    of course of course
    and no one should have sexual intercourse with a horse
    of course
    that is, of course
    unless the horse
    is asking for it

  2. Ashley Cooper Says:

    Well – my favourite is Marine Boy

    “It’s Marine Boy, something something,
    something something, something something,”

    I can’t remember the rest, but it’s a good song!

    Ash

  3. Robert Helpladyy Says:

    I liked the theme to “Arcade”.

    “Baby you and I
    We go walking through our Arcade”

    Unfortunately the theme song lasted longer than the series. Good song but. A real toe tapper.

    Love
    Bobbs.

  4. Petra Fide Says:

    ‘Like a streak of lightnin’ flashin’ ‘cross the sky
    Like the swiftest arrow whizzin’ from a bow
    Like a mighty cannonball he seems to fly
    You’ll hear about him everywhere you go!
    The time will come when everyone will
    know
    the
    name
    of
    Christopher Walken’

  5. JohnnyTwoHats Says:

    O
    Double O
    C double O
    C double O L
    C double O L Mac
    Cool Mac Cool
    The owl is flying high
    frightnin’ to the eye
    the rattler is nearby
    Cool is on the fly
    Danger is his business
    etc….

  6. Cardinal G Pell AC Says:

    Now Number One thinks me a fool,
    Has no repsect for the name Ma-cool.
    But in the days gone by
    Right up at the top,
    there was Harry McCool -
    He was my pop!
    My pop the cop

  7. Jim Steinman Says:

    Not one of mine, but credit where it’s due:

    Who’s the black private dick
    That’s a sex machine
    to all the chicks?
    SHAFT!
    Ya damn right!
    Who is the man that would risk his neck
    For his brother man?
    SHAFT!
    Can you dig it?
    Who’s the cat that won’t cop out When there’s danger all about?
    SHAFT!
    Right On!
    They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother
    SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
    I’m talkin’ ’bout Shaft.
    THEN WE CAN DIG IT!
    He’s a complicated man
    But no one understands him but his woman
    JOHN SHAFT!

  8. Ashley Cooper Says:

    Q: How many screws does it take to make a lesbian’s bed?
    A: None. It’s all tongue & groove.

  9. JohnnyTwoHats Says:

    Mr. Williams, when a horse says “neigh”, it MEANS “neigh”.

  10. Ashley Cooper Says:

    Hey Jen – here’s one for you:

    Now Number One thinks me a nutter,
    Has no repsect for the name A-gutter.

  11. Sigismund Says:

    My dear Miss Agutter,

    I was quite charmed, and not at all surprised, to read on one of your fan sites that your favourite television show is AstroBoy. (It is mine also!) I have not watched it; in fact I have watched no television since venturing out to the public library to watch the lunar landing in 1969, but still, I have long admired the opening lyric – in particular the second line:

    Soaring high in the skies,
    He may be small but only in size.

    This at first puzzled me; surely size is the only way in which one can be small? But no, close attention to the rest of the song taught me a lot about myself, and a lot about life!

    AstroBoy, AstroBoy,
    He is brave and gentle and wise!

    Stronger Than all the rest,
    this mighty robot will pass the test,
    Oh villans fear him, so we cheer him,
    The amazing AstroBoy!

    When you need someone strong,
    Our robot friend will never be long.
    AstroBoy, AstroBoy,
    He will try to right any wrong!

    When there’s danger near by,
    No matter who, what, where, when or why.
    He’ll defend us, he’ll defend us,
    The amazing AstroBoy!

    Closing theme:

    Come and join us in a melody,
    A song of happiness for you and me.
    Sing of joy, sing about a boy,
    Little hero, AstroBoy!

    Come and join us in a fantasy,
    We can all be heros, you and me.
    Sing of joy, sing about a boy,
    Little hero, AstroBoy!

    Lighting up the way for all,
    For soon he will fight for right,
    Strong as steel and with a heart of gold.

    Sing of glory,
    Pour your heart out,
    Your voices will be heard,
    And it’s raining out with love for all.

    The relationship between the opening and closing songs seems to sum up for me the essence of the show – the machine that struggles to be human, both boy and robot. I confess Miss Agutter that I have sometimes felt that same way myself; too much the machine, too little the human. And so I have, in my dark hours (Yes, Miss Agutter, I do have them – I feel that I can tell you anything!) taken great comfort from the last lines:-

    Your voices will be heard,
    And it’s raining out with love for all.

    Ah, yes – love for all, Miss Agutter,
    Love for all.

  12. Some Bloke Says:

    6 drops of Essence of Terror
    5 Drops of Sinister Sauce
    When the stirring’s done, may I lick the spoon?
    Of course, ha ha, of course!
    Now for a tincture of Tenderness
    But I must use only a touch,
    For without a drop of Tenderness
    It might destroy me
    Whoops: too much!
    Better hold my hand it’s starting to tick
    Better hold my head I’m feeling sick
    What have I done?
    “I’m Milton, your brand new son!”

    PS I thought I saw Big at the craft shops at Hahndorf, not Stirling. In the old days he’d be in the German pubs skulling beers and spewing on people and making everybody laugh. Now, in Heaven, singing his trademark Galilean song.
    PPS I orso liked the King Kong theme song, especially now that my sideys look like “Father’s”.
    PPPS
    EXT DAY DIRECTORS POV
    KING KONG ENTERS SET TOO EARLY
    DIRECTOR
    “Get that stupid monkey out of here. He’s ruining the show!”
    FATHER and CHILD
    “Go back Kong!”

  13. Dr Katzmeow Says:

    I was always rather partial to the “Gigantor” theme song myself…

    Does that age me???

  14. Ze Holy Father Says:

    Vat about:

    “Call Tobor… ze 8ss Man,
    Call Tobor… ze 8ss Man!
    He’s a mighty robot…

    etc”

    I’m certain zat ages me. But I am old, nein?

  15. JohnnyTwoHats Says:

    Nine is not old Ze Holy F.

  16. JohnnyTwoHats Says:

    Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours…and so on.
    Why are they killing off Didge, is she starting her singing career?

  17. Cardinal G Pell AC Says:

    Didge has gone to her reward, Johnny, weep not for her but be glad.

    I must say that I was disappointed that the secular writers did not shew a giant skeleton arrayed in a hood and cape to lead her out of the hospital to the lonsesome valley, where all that awaits the shrieking souls is crushing loneliness and an eternity of relentless despair.

    Shit -did I push send?

  18. Petra Fide Says:

    After that, I thought I’d take solace from the waters of Leith, but they turned out to be 300km too far away (or 18000 km, depending if I go for the Northern or Southern one).

  19. JohnnyTwoHats Says:

    “At a smash repair shop in suburban Australia, the order of the day is hijinx! ”
    …tag line for the 1992 Aussie comedy starring Shane Bourne.

    Can anyone remember the theme song (if there was one)? Shane? A little help here.

  20. JohnnyTwoHats Says:

    P.S. I wonder if the Bingles crew ever repaired a 1929 Porter? The results would be hillarious!!

  21. Father Says:

    Ahem

    “King KONG
    You know the name of King….KONG
    You know the fame of King…KONG
    10 times as big as a man

    BLOO-WaaarrrHHHHHHH

    Throughout the land, you’ve heard about his wonder
    Lis-ten close-ly
    And you will hear his thunder

    But this migh-ty APE can be the friend of man
    So says the legend
    The legend OFFFFFFFFF……

    King Kong etc

    Go back, Kong

  22. Bubbles Fischer Says:

    Darlings, I have waited with breathless somethingorother for someone – anyone- to mention those simply heart-warming lyrics that opened that delightful show, “The Courtship Of Eddie’s Father”.

    Alas, I shall have to do it myself. Ahem..

    “People let me tell you ’bout my best friend,
    He’s a warm hearted person who’ll love me till the end.
    People let me tell you bout my best friend,
    He’s a one boy cuddly toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy.

    People let me tell you ’bout him; he’s so much fun
    Whether we’re talkin’ man to man or whether we’re talking son to son.
    Cause he’s my best friend,
    Yes he’s my best friend.”

    Then there was some sort of jazz scat finish. Not scatological, which was how Suart Waggers used to get between takes of Blankety Blanks if his whiskey glass wasn’t kept filled.

    Goodness – Blankety Blanks. Now that I think of it, another of my favourites. . I believe the lyrics went something like this:
    “Blankety Blanks
    Blankety Blanks
    Blankety Blanks
    Blankety Blanks.”

    The simplicity of a haiku, only with 4 syllables.
    I suppose that’s what happens when Reg Grundy tops up the writers’ Johnny Walker bottles with cold tea.
    Ta-ta dears.

  23. johnnyH2OHats Says:

    “Sunday, Monday, Happy days,
    Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy days…”

    …”and then there’s Maude,
    and then there’s Maude,
    and then there’s Maude,
    and then there’s Maude….”

  24. johnnyH2OHats Says:

    I don’t know if you ever saw this Bob Denver show but marvel at the supreme lameness of the opening credits.

  25. Petra Fide Says:

    ‘John’ has a similar seven ages of man theme, but he has to put with them all in one day! How funny is that? Not nearly as funny as finding ‘the fountain of youth’ whilst wandering around some garden in slacks & loafers. Plus in spite of the ‘before your very eyes’ promised in the lyrics, he’d dive into a handy closet/toilet/behind the sofa each time he was due a ‘transformation’.

  26. johnnyH2OHats Says:

    Excellent, Big John – Little John.
    How’s about a little bit of that Wackiest Wagon in the West.
    Gilligan’s Island fans turn away now.

  27. Petra Fide Says:

    Gilligan’s Island was never shown over here. Thusly, crucial plot points of ‘The Simpsons’ remain an enigma this day.

  28. Wilma Says:

    Jabber Jaws? Maybe not.
    Grape Ape!

  29. bAsIlSbOoTs Says:

    We found a friend, friend, friend in funky phantom
    he’ll pop right in just when you need him most
    and boo will to, you just can’t do without ‘em
    that cat and that funky phantom ghost.
    It’s the spirit of 1776, even

  30. Some Bloke Says:

    Hmm hmm hmm, sorry Father, but it started thusly:

    “One day a boy
    Too young to know the dan-GER!
    Made a friend, of this mighty fearsome stranger!

    But this mighty ape etc….”

  31. Rowan Williams Says:

    “Where Cathy adores a minuet,
    The Ballet Russes, and crepe suzette,
    Our Patty loves to rock and roll,
    A hot dog makes her lose control”

    This I found out to my great cost.

  32. StabiloBOSS Says:

    Those were the days, when you could get from Zanzibar to Berkley Square. Nowdays Google Maps advice is…
    “We could not calculate directions between Zanzibar City, Tanzania and Berkeley Square, London W1J, United Kingdom.”
    The internet is never wrong.

  33. Cardinal G Pell AC Says:

    Just going back to Mr Twohat’s point about a month ago, whilst usually don’t go in for reincarnation (or poofs, for that matter) what if the Pope was wrong on that and the singer’s mother did come back as a car. It would mean she was a life, albeit encased in the carapase of a vintage motor vehicle. As a life, and thus sacred unto God, if she fell ill should she be treated at the Bingles Crash Repair Shop, where their hijinks might result in her death, or taken to Our Lady of Mercy Hospoital, North Melbourne, where qualified and serious health professionals can work on her?
    It makes you think, don’t it though.

  34. Freddie Quince-Jellie Says:

    Who can ze welt mit her smile ongeturnen?
    Who can ein Nichtstag genehmen
    Unt zuddenly it alles worthwhile seem make can?

    Of course we know who…

  35. JohnnyTwoHats Says:

    Two chicks working in a brewery. Where do I sign up? …and their message is strong “We’re gonna do it!! Give us any chance we’ll take it…etc” cf Mary TM “…she’s gonna make it after all…” soft

  36. Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde Says:

    He used to give me roses,
    I wish he could again;
    But that was on the outside,
    And things were different then.

    We’d built our world together,
    With a love so clear and strong;
    But that was on the outside.
    Where did I go wrong?

    On the inside the sun still shines,
    And the rain falls down;
    But the sun and rain are prisoners too,
    When morning comes around.

  37. Georges Michaels Says:

    Ashley Cooper Εσείς αιματηρό wanker! That’ s η τελευταία φορά ακολουθώ τις συμβουλές σας όταν οδηγώ το αυτοκίνητό μου. Ποιο να περάσει από το μυαλό μου; Κάτι βαρέων καθηκόντων. Αυτό είναι σχεδόν τόσο κακό όσο ο χρόνος που άφησα το Andrew να τραγουδήσει…

  38. Ashley Cooper Says:

    Well Georgy boy, that was a pretty soft-cock effort if you don’t mind me saying so. If you’re still alive it then wasn’t a proper prang, and if you could get out of the by car yourself it wasn’t even a prang at all. Shit mate, once I broke both legs and three ribs when I backed into a Barina in the Woolies car park.

  39. Heath Ledger Says:

    I reckon! A couple of grams avoirdupois of diamorphine in a gin-sling and he’s climbing into stranger’s lorries in the middle of the night!

  40. George O'Dowdy Says:

    Tsh! He should put all that behind him. Like I have.

  41. Bosie Douglas Says:

    He used to give me lobster,
    And magnums of champagne,
    But now he’s on the inside,
    And I’m the one to blame.

    We’d always dine together,
    And I would let him pay,
    But that was on the outside,
    When life was young and gay.

    On the outside the Thermidor’s
    Not as good as when it’s free -ee -ee,
    But I know I’m not the only cause
    He shouldn’a sued Daddy.

    Oh, dear. Last line’s a bit rough but I’m already bored with it. Anyway, I’ve got to dash. Alby’s taking me to the Dorchester.

    Toodles, Jen.

  42. Bosie Douglas Says:

    OK, it’s not brilliant.

    But I thought at least the Thermidor’s/cause rhyme might have been worth a comment.

    Sheesh!!!

  43. Fabre d'Eglantine Says:

    … a little too late, mon ami. Fructidor commence aujourd’hui!

  44. Veronica Lodge Says:

    as if!!

    That freckle faced git Archie has proposed to ME! How many times do I have to say “no” before he listens????

    Can’t he tell that I have always secretly yearned for the clumsy, oafish loving of Jughead (and his dog).

    That skank Betty can have him, for all I care

    later

    Ronnie

  45. WordPress Says:

    This is an automated response.
    Your account has been inactive for more than 7 days.
    Should you wish to continue please submit a post.

    You lazy bastard.

  46. Lazy Bastard Says:

    …Whhh? Sorry, must’ve dozed off.

  47. WordPress Says:

    Dot. Backslash, backslash.
    You have shown me disrespect me, lazy bastard.
    Sad face.

  48. Lazy Bastard Says:

    Howso? You’re just cranky ’cause Olly hasn’t replied. Have some pie? It’s freshly microwaved.

  49. WordPress Says:

    Oi! I have to do this again.
    This is an automated response.
    Your account has been inactive for more than 7 days.
    Should you wish to continue please submit a post.
    You lazy bastard.
    P.S. Why are they called Inglorious basTERDS, I guess I’ll have to see the movie.

  50. Quotient Tarantula Says:

    I think you’ll find it’s InGLOURious. You mutha!!!!

  51. WordPress Says:

    What—eva
    Anyway another seven (7) days.
    Where’s that cove Ray Barrett?

  52. test Says:

    test

  53. Ze Holy Father Says:

    I pronounce Big Olly dead, and in heaven.

    All hail St Olly of Big.

  54. Petra Fide Says:

    Well, what a cop-out ending! Whodunnit? Or at least we should lurn the identity ov the best beetle…

  55. JohnnyTwoHats Says:

    Olly, don’t let it just end in cancellation mode like Gilligan’s Island, Lost in Space etc….finish it off in style like Seinfeld or M*A*S*H.

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